Journey to myself

I woke up in the dorm of the hostel we stayed at I Göreme. Waking up at sunrise, I felt weak and sick, it was like my body knew I don’t need to cycle, I don’t need to hold it together anymore and shut down. I was wondering if the imminent meeting with my father was playing a role in this as well. When I stepped outside, balloons were flying over my head, which took me by surprise, as we had assumed the balloon flying would be cancelled, due to fog. This made me forget about feeling sick – I grabbed a glass of cay and started walking, direction look- out. Soon I realised however, that one needs to pay for the look out and I had left without my wallet, back in the hostel. So instead I tried to find a rooftop with a view. In the end I walked through dunes and balloons were flying right over my head. I’m in Cappadocia! I cycled here! I was overcome by tears, gazing at a balloons on the horizon.

Walking back to the hostel my tummy was rambling, luckily breakfast was already waiting for me there. After breakfast I retreated into bed, listening to a meditation. Then my father was texting me, that he will be in Mersin until Tuesday, where he is renovating a holiday flat and mentioned, that I could come with him. In the meantime, I was texting a few people, I had met on the way, with connections in Kayseri, as I wanted to secure accommodation there. One of the people I contacted, was the president of the cycling club in Beysehir, Mustafa, as his daughter lives in Kayseri. While texting he suddenly mentioned, he spoke to my father on the phone the day before – “what? Do you know him”, I said confused as this took me by surprise. Simultaneously, I asked my father the same question and suddenly he rang me. Unsure what to do, I looked at the screen, I was scared to pick up the phone. Eventually I picked up. Hearing his voice was strange – I have not heard his voice for seven years. He told me about the phone call with Mustafa and offered to pick me up in Cappadocia to drive with him to Mersin and spend a few days in his holiday flat, he is renovating. I told him, I would think about it.

Later on I had a phone call with my dear friend Debora, while talking to her, my decision was made – I have to cycle to Kayseri and meet him there. I was focused on this goal from the beginning, I could not just abandon this idea now, and meet him here in Cappadocia, when he gets out of his car.

Afterwards Marcel and me went for a walk in town. We ate traditional Turkish food and dessert – Künefe. With all that was coming up for me, it was hard to stay present. Having no expectations on this imminent meeting, was more and more difficult. Over and over again, I caught myself, imagining having a good time with him. I always joked, that I felt like the black sheep in the family, I felt different and I looked different. When he first got in contact with me, I was baffled about being half Turkish, but when I saw a photo of him, things started to make sense. Now I am so close to meeting someone, I have never met, but actually looks like me – what a strange feeling.

Later on in the evening, while Marcel and me were walking to a restaurant it started snowing- how magical! I have not seen snow for so many years! We went for dinner in a beautiful restaurant, with Turkish rugs and pillows on the floor. We drank wine and ate Falafel, before retreating back to the hostel.

So long – hoscakal from Göreme!